This post was inspired by an article from The Daily Buzz.
Who else apologizes when it rains, snows, or when the wind blows?
If you put your hand up, this one’s for you.
I am afflicted with the unfortunate disease of believing that everything is my fault. And if I don’t realize it’s “my fault” at first, I feel lower than whale sh*t when I finally do.
Yep, that’s how my brain works. What a miserable existence.
In my case, as I’m sure it is with others, it’s definitely a result of low self-worth. You know, feeling like you’re not worthy of life, love, and the pursuit of happiness if you’re not accomplishing X, Y, and Z.
Which is so false it actually knocks me on my ass.
But what is it that makes us feel like this? How can we fix it?
Low Self-Esteem & Feeling Unworthy
Several factors can contribute to low self-worth:
- Unstable home life
- Dysfunctional & abusive relationships (or “relation-shits”, as I like to call them)
- Traumatic experiences
…Etc., etc., etc.
One or two of these I’ve got experience with, the rest are experiences of friends & family. And yes…they really, really, really suck and can set your development back by years…
But no one can fix it but you.
You have to start recognizing the things in your life that aren’t serving you anymore. You have to be willing to do the work to fix yourself.
It’s no picnic, for sure. It’ll test you beyond your limits, you’ll cry, you may even give up a few times. But your other option is to sit on your bo’hind and be a victim forever…
You don’t want that, do you?
Start Your Journey to Recovery
Recovery is not a dirty word. Some people will relate out and say, “Man, recovery is for people who have problems.”…
…guess what, homie? YOU got problems.
Admitting is the first step ;).
Now that you’ve done that, you’re gonna have to start and stay on your journey…which could stir up feelings of guilt, resentment, and insecurity.
You’ll probably have to make amends for a lot of stuff along the way, but there are a few things that you should never need to apologize for.
So here’s a list of shit that I used to apologize for all the time and I refuse to any longer…and you should, too.
Taking Care of Self
Why would you want to apologize for this? Gosh, it’s a good thing!
Well, you’d be surprised. Especially when you’re first bringing your head out of the abyss, you’ll have a lot of people who’ll want to drag you back down into it.
They like where you are. You’re easy to control, easy to manipulate, easy to rough around.
It could be as easy as someone not respecting that you need to take mental health days or stay in for the night instead of going out with them.
You know these peeps: the ones for whom “No” is a dirty word?
And you want to know the scary part? They may not even realize that they are doing it. They’re just acting exactly how they’ve always been able to act with you. It’s just because you’re changing the game that they’re losing their shit.
But I’m here to tell you that “No” is not a bad word. In fact, it’s a full sentence. You don’t need to say, “No, sorry”, or, “No, because…”. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to be healthy.
You know what the definition of insanity is?
Well, it’s actually the condition of being mentally deranged. But doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? You tell me how that’s not deranged.
Anyway, if you’re at a point in your life where you don’t like where you’re at, it’s up to you to make changes and fix it. But those people I was talking about earlier? They ain’t gonna like that.
It’s pretty much the same case: you’re easier to kick when you’re down. They’re not afraid of you when you’re down. So the idea that you might get up is unacceptable to them.
And that ain’t yo problem. You just keep on truckin’, doing the things that are going to change your life for the better.
Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate.
Living Your Best Life
The things that make me happy? I’m gonna do them. Regardless of whether other people want me to do them or not.
I figure if I’m always acting with the best of intentions and not doing anything that I know will cause harm, I’m not responsible for anyone else’s unhappiness.
Standing Up for Self & Beliefs
I am a firm believer that sometimes, you gotta let shit go. Water off a duck’s back.
People are going to say things you don’t like and you’re gonna have to accept that. But you know what you don’t have to do? Tolerate direct attempts to sabotage your serenity.
If you’ve gotten to a point in your life where you’re happy with yourself, you have a right to defend that. It’s not mean to tell someone to f*ck off when they’re in your personal space, violating your boundaries.
That’s called survival.
Look, I’ll never do things with a devil-may-care attitude. I’ll always be cautious about how my decisions affect others.
With that being said, I’m not gonna flagellate myself every time I make a mistake. I’m human. It will happen many times before I leave this earth.
So sure, when I make mistakes, I’ll apologize for any affect said mistake had on others’ lives. But I will not apologize for that mistake and every other mistake I’ve ever made in the past.
You can’t keep paying for things that are already done.
Stop Apologizing For Everything
My fiancé is always chastising me for apologizing too much. Then I decided that I wasn’t going to apologize for apologizing too much…
But for real…stop apologizing for everything, especially these 5 things.
You are not responsible for putting anyone’s soul at ease. Don’t live your life trying to keep everyone from yelling at you or hating you. That’s utterly impossible.
The reality is that not everyone is going to like you. I know it seems obvious, but seriously, you’re gonna run into people that think you suck no matter what.
What’s more, you might find that people who used to think you were the best thing since sliced bread now think you’ve changed for the worst.
Not. Your. Problem.
Live your life for you. Because at the end of the day, it’s you who’s gotta live it.
So how will you live it?