Who here is in a long-distance relationship?
Give yourself a hug or a pat on the back. You are not alone and this shit is hard.
Relationships aren’t easy anyway, and then you have the added bonus of falling in love with someone who lives across the country or worse… in another country.
Such is my story. In a relationship for 3 years, engaged for 2 months to someone who lives in the U.K. And I can’t lie to you…it really sucks sometimes.
But you make it work because what else do you do? Settle for someone that you love a little less but lives closer to home? That may work for some people, but if you’re in an LDR, you knew it wasn’t going to work for you.
But this article is actually not for people in LDRs. It’s for the people not in LDRs who don’t get them. You know, that person that asks you intrusive questions about your relationship that they wouldn’t even dream of asking someone in a “normal” relationship?
Send this to that person in your life.
Ok, now I’m talking to everyone else.
I’ve been in my own LDR for a little over 3 years now. My peeps have all gotten used to our “weird” situation, so I had to look up a few blog posts to refresh my memory. Figured I’d run across a few things I’d heard before.
But I don’t think I was prepared for the exact same questions to be worded in the exact same ways. I mean, word-for-word, give-you-flashbacks type of stuff. I remember where I was and what I was doing when some of these things were said to me…and who said them.
So if you know someone who’s in a long-distance relationship, let’s nip a few things in the bud.
8 Things NOT To Say to Your Friend in a Long-Distance Relationship
“Oh, you met online…?” (When they tell you they met online)
Mmkay, it’s actually not as weird as you’re trying to make it sound.
Most people spend the majority of their time online these days. For those people, it’s as likely to make friends online as it is for someone who bar-hops every weekend to make a friend in a bar.
Social media is the new bar. I mean, seriously, you find out more about someone from a Facebook page than you would on a first date.
Sure, they can hide stuff from you in a chat or on Skype…put their best foot forward, leave out grimy details, hide their “baggage” from you…
But who really finds any of that stuff out until you’re living with someone? Even when you’ve been dating for a while and you’ve slept over a few times, how can you be sure you know everything?
Online dating just isn’t as taboo as it used to be.
“How do you know they aren’t lying to you?”
- About what, exactly? People lie about stuff all the time and they don’t have to be miles apart to do so. It all comes out eventually.
- Quite simply, I don’t. How do you know your partner isn’t lying to you? If the answer is anything along the lines of, “I know them too well”, “I trust them”, or “I think I’d be able to figure that out”…there’s your answer, bro. Distance doesn’t change any of that.
“I couldn’t do long distance…”
Lol cool. I’m glad you know that about yourself.
“So who’s moving, you or them?”
This one isn’t rude or anything, I’ve just been asked it about a million times and it’s getting annoying.
But it’s kind of none of your business. We’ll do what we have to do when we have to do it.
“How do you guys…you know…have sex?”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to date someone closer to home?”
Yeah, probably. But if you’re dating someone because it’s easy, and not because you feel emotionally cared for or invested, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.
I’m with this person. I love them, see a future with them. Oh, and the feeling’s mutual. There are a bunch of the basics; the rest is par for the course.
“A friend of mine did long-distance once and it didn’t work.”
That’s a shame. I hope they’re doing okay now.
“How do you know they aren’t cheating on you?”
Same way you know your partner isn’t cheating on you…
Hint: you don’t. But you’d hope they’d be kind enough not to. ‘Cuz that’s a shitty thing to do.
You extend them a certain level of trust as someone who’s said they love you and want to be in a relationship with you. Should they violate that trust, you do what you have to from there.
But obsessing over something that might not be happening doesn’t prepare you for the worst, just ruins your chance to enjoy life now.
And honestly, if you’re that worried about people cheating on you, I’m gonna say you should work on that before you even get into a relationship.
But I’m not worried about it.
Treat LDR couples the way you’d treat any other couple.
Because at the end of the day, that’s all we are. Another couple trying to make it work in circumstances beyond our control. At the moment, anyway.
You don’t give up on stuff just because it’s tough. Not when you really want it. You find a way to make it work until you can change things.
But lemme know what you think. Are you someone in an LDR who gets asked stuff like this? OR are you someone who’s said one or more of these things to someone in an LDR?
How do you feel after reading this?
Drop me a comment below!