Can We Forgive Those Who Wrong Us Without Forgetting What We’ve Learned?

Welcome to Vegan Chick’s Blogtober Post # 4 

Hey, y’all. 

It was one of those mornings, and I felt really compelled to write this one. I think it’s one of those posts that speaks for itself, so I’ll get to it. 

Can We Forgive Without Forgetting?

Forgiveness

Aaron Mello

 

I don’t know, man… this question will always stump me. In fact, I think this question stumps all of us. 

 

Mistakes are learning opportunities. Some learning opportunities hit harder than others. So, you don’t want to forget them, right? 

 

But we also know that resentment and bitterness take a serious toll on you. They age you… physically, mentally, and emotionally.  

 

Side Note: It’s hard to believe that people still consider mental health secondary, and yet, dying of a broken heart seems to be the only way that an otherwise-healthy-yet-depressed person drops dead. Crazy. 

 

So, yes, we don’t want to forget the lessons we’ve been taught… but how do we keep the memories without attaching them to a negative emotion?  

 

I don’t know for sure, but I think I may have some tips. 

First Task: Practice Some Acceptance 

There are lots of things that you can change… your own life, for instance. But unless you’re really convincing, changing other people is really hard.  

 

If they can’t see why anything they might be doing is wrong or hurtful, or it’s accomplishing the things they want, they have no reason to change.  

 

So, you have to leave them to their choices and their Karma. And understand that although you don’t like certain things they do, you don’t have to allow it to affect your life overall. 

 

But trust me, I know that’s a hard mindset to find. I’m telling you about it and I haven’t mastered it myself…  

 

… shoot, I don’t even think you can “master” it. You just get better at it every time you do it. 

 

So, how do you practice this? 

Categorizing Your Thoughts vs. Your Feelings 

Here’s the thing… thoughts create a reaction in our bodies that we call an emotion. It’s the mind receiving and reacting to information. That’s how I like to think of it. 

 

You’ve gotta make yourself aware of your tendencies… do you tend to spiral down or get frantic because your thoughts are running wild? (I sure do). 

 

Welp, the good news is that the next time you start to do that, you’ll be more aware of it 

 

Now, the following tools I learned from the Headspace app, which I highly recommend:  

 

  • Identify the thought that’s distracted you, and label it thinking. 

  • From there, identify whether it’s pleasant or unpleasant. 

  • Do the same with the emotions, except label them feelings. 

  • If you can, try to give the feeling a name… frustration, sadness, joy, etc. 

 

I’d seriously urge you to download the Headspace app, subscribing to it, and adding the Anxiety pack to your collection.  

 

Yes, you have to pay for a subscription, but trust me when I say it is totally worth it! I am not sponsored by them at all and I have now recommended them several times.  

 

It works! 

How do these two things work together? 

It’s my opinion that when you can learn to let go of others’ crap and also acknowledge your own without giving in to it, you can learn to hold onto lessons without staying angry. 

 

That’s not to say that when you think about it you won’t have a reaction. Of course you will. It’s only natural. But you can learn to recognize that reaction and say, “You know, I still love that person, I just can’t forget what happened last time.” 

 

Resentment Only Hurts YOU 

So, in short, do I think it’s possible to forgive without forgetting? Yes. But you must be vigilant in noticing and identifying your thoughts and feelings. 

 

You may never be able to detach and stop reacting to something COMPLETELY… that little pang of anger or sadness you feel when you think of something isn’t the determining factor. It’s what you choose to do with the information your body and mind are giving you. 

 

Don’t drink poison and expect the other person to die… but das jus me. 

 

What do you think?

 

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List of International Suicide Hotlines (courtesy of the International Bipolar Foundation)Please, please, PLEASE do NOT hesitate to find your hotline and call if you think you need it. You are NOT alone <3 .

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Thanks for reading…

Happy Blogtober!

 

Blogtober 4 forgiveness

Aaron Mello
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